Recently in Web 2.0 Category

Are you a bit of a tool, but perhaps just a little too tolerable a person to get noticed? Do you ever suspect that you lack the requisite level of douchiness to succeed in the business world?

Perhaps you should consider joining UpMo, the self-proclaimed "GPS [for] Your Career!"¹, and the first social network to foster obnoxious behavior not out of naivete or poor design, but as an express part of its mission statement. To this end UpMo offers an "emulation engine", by which you will be able to "add to your repertoire the tangibles and intangibles your UpModel used to further his or her career". Another key feature: the "Network Readiness Evaluator", which will tell you whether or not your loser friends make you look good by comparison.

The whole thing is a great idea, but hardly a forward-thinking one in times like these. Luckily, and as it so happens, Total Shite is currently seeking venture capital for our new software-as-service networking and personal development tool, Ratatui, which teaches you how to be the one to catch the last rat.

^{1. Also trademarked, and thereby hopefully innoculated from regular use: The Networking Habit™}

Mongoloid* that I am, I thought it'd be clever to write up a script to find the links on Twitter that people (Twits?) are most likely to deem "funny", etc. Perhaps this would open the way to replacing Total Shite's large and expensive staff with an AI, while leaving our many fans none the wiser. Unfortunately, relying on the intelligence -- or sense of humor -- of crowds to teach a robotic blogger does not seem to be a winning proposition. While it'd certainly help if I knew fuck-all about Artificial Intelligence and/or algorithmically determining "funniness", it would help a lot more if everyone on Twitter did not have a retarded sense of humor. For instance, this cartoon received more than a few approving links:

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Why play a drinking game or some other such nonsense when you can outsource your drinking decisions to the cloud? Presenting: the Total Shite Web 2.0 Political Debate Drinking Game/Social Utility. Using a sophisticated algorithm, this tool notifies you when it is appropriate to take a drink during, before, and after each presidential debate.

You *could* drink every time you hear the word "Change"...which entails listening carefully and also comes with the possibility (admittedly remote) that you will not get to drink at all. Thanks to cutting-edge sound pattern and linguistic analysis, as well as to the extensive computing power available today, the TOTAL SHITE NEWS TEAM^TM is able to provide you -- free of charge -- with the surefire drinking game alternative below. Enjoy.