Stumble It!
Digg It!Mongoloid* that I am, I thought it'd be clever to write up a script to find the links on Twitter that people (Twits?) are most likely to deem "funny", etc. Perhaps this would open the way to replacing Total Shite's large and expensive staff with an AI, while leaving our many fans none the wiser. Unfortunately, relying on the intelligence -- or sense of humor -- of crowds to teach a robotic blogger does not seem to be a winning proposition. While it'd certainly help if I knew fuck-all about Artificial Intelligence and/or algorithmically determining "funniness", it would help a lot more if everyone on Twitter did not have a retarded sense of humor. For instance, this cartoon received more than a few approving links:
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Put aside the fact that this gentleman is utterly unconcerned about the Charles Manson-looking motherfucker who has just followed him to his doorstep, and just focus on the fact that it would be impossible to even accidentally misconstrue this to be humorous. Christ, Day by Day is funnier than this shit, and it ranks somewhere between cancer and the Mumbai terror attacks on the Woody Allen Multi-Dimensional LOL Scale.
Even more ominously, one of the number one outgoing links is to a "viral"** JCPenney ad whose concept I will not elaborate on; suffice to say, Ad Age thinks it is "so hip. Bravo!" (Translation: it's an utterly unoriginal and sexist string of cliches, and yet somehow manages to be completely unfunny.)
I would end you all were it not for the fact that, despite all your faults, apparent mental handicaps, and desire for everything on Twitter to be about Twitter, you still managed to demonstrate a modicum of decency and make fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com the #1 most popular link. ***
You're all so hip, bravo!
* I mean this in the most politically correct and post-racial way possible.
** You know what else is viral? Ebola. Maybe you marketing gurus should look into getting some of that.
*** According to an extremely glitchy and half-baked algorithm.
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