Drank!

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drank.jpg

It starts with the occasional guilty Red Bull and ends with 5 Hour Energy shots on the hour. Pretty soon you're shaking too much to buy a latte and find yourself doing odd jobs around the bodega in exchange for a couple cans of guava-flavored Potencia.

But not to worry, there's an antidote. With the slogan "slow your roll", "Drank" contains rose hips, melatonin, and valerian root, three herbs that would normally put you straight to sleep were it not for a healthy balancing dose of high fructose corn syrup. The net effect of this "Extreme Relaxation Beverage", which tastes of Manischewitz spritzer and is no less kosher, is a lot like that of the really weak codeine you bought your freshman year and soon discovered was store-brand aspirin restyled with a nail file.

5/5

Shitebot: 8/11/2009

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Unnerving chins

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Video was Tagged: , Comedy, chin, pingpong, ping-pong, chins, chorizo

I love the chosen one

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Video was Tagged: , Education, i, love, the, chosen, one

Libertarianism

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From the right, you've got free markets. From the left, you have free minds. To me, that's the only sensible direction. As you grow older, you kind of end up there. Especially if you drink and do a lot of drugs.
- Greg Gutfeld, Reason interview

If I eat food, eat food with my crew

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If I roll deep,
Roll deep with my crew
If I eat food,
Eat food with my crew
If I smoke weed,
Smoke weed with my crew

How about you?
How about your crew?

This quote has variously been misattributed over the years to Benjamin Franklin, Ludwig von Mises, and Adam Weishaupt. In fact we can now say with some certainty that its author was one of the members of "The Roll Deep Crew":

Video was Tagged: , Music, Roll, Deep, Rules, And, Regulations, Music, UK, Grime

God help us all

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Henry Farrell:
The apex of contemporary elite culture is not occupied by writers, poets and artists, but by a chimerical combination of Jack Welch, Malcolm Gladwell, Thomas Friedman, and the anonymous scribes of the Economist magazine. Large circulation publications either fail even to pretend to pay attention to high culture (Time and Newsweek) or commoditize it (Vanity Fair, which is less a magazine than a locus of exchange between celebrities who wish they were intellectuals, and intellectuals who wish they were celebrities).

The end of Science

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nobel.jpegSome downright credible-seeming research, via The Times of India:
An average bloke devotes a good 43 minutes a day eyeing up 10 different girls, researchers have revealed.
What you are wondering, of course, is if a finding regarding "blokes" is generalizable to the average "dude"? A Nobel Prize is hanging on the answer.

"Crafts for Retarded"

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Great find from the wonderful Awful Library Books curators:

crafts_for_retarded.jpg

12/11/08 Never Forget

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A couple of the Victim Impact Statements submitted for Bernard Madoff's sentencing, and excerpted in the August issue of Harper's Magazine:
I thought no day would ever be as bad as 9/11 until 12/11 at 3:03 p.m. My phone had been ringing nonstop, my instant messages going crazy. Finally I picked up, thinking there was something wrong with my family--possibly a death--and I was right!!! It was the beginning of a new kind of death: our family, including my dad, mom, aunt, uncle, cousins, were ALL dead--in one shot. THIEF, KILLER, DESTROYER, EVIL, DEVIL. Bernie deserves a longevity pill--not death--so he can watch each generation suffer and see what he did.
History shows us that there are monsters who think they are above the law. Laws of humanity and common decency don't apply to them because they have created their own world in which they are the Supreme Being. There are many examples: Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, and Bernard Madoff. Extreme? I don't think so.
There are a number of other instances where Godwin's Law is violated throughout the victim statements, but for the most part they're genuinely depressing as hell.